Obedience feels like losing sometimes

No one likes to lose. Think back to any number of times in your life when you really wanted something you were passionate about and that thing fell through. An athletic event you trained hard for as either part of a team or by yourself and lost. A music competition where you wanted to really prove yourself and lost. A relationship you cherished and that person left you.

Losing can take a toll on our self esteem and make us feel out of control. Winning can make us feel like the things we want and like matter. Like life has meaning and value. When we desire something badly and prepare for what we want to have by studying or practicing or being consistent or being disciplined, we feel that have a right to expect the result we wanted. We've earned the right to expect a positive outcome. But despite our earnest efforts, pure intentions, pain, and passion, we might still not get what we wanted.

As followers of Christ, I believe one of our lifetime goals is to come to a point where we understand WHY we really need Jesus. Ultimately, we know we need Him due to His sacrifice for us at the Cross so that we have the opportunity to return to what I believe our real home is someday. Heaven. But until then, we continue to grow in greater and greater knowledge and understanding of what He wants from us so that we can have a REAL relationship with Him (Proverbs 4:7).

As in John 14:15, part of our growth is the understanding that part of the true definition of what it means to love Him, involves obeying Him. If you love Him, you obey Him. I believe as true disciples and followers, we should aim to be real with Him and seek understanding of how He defines everything. As we seek to know Him and worship Him in spirt and truth(John 4:24), we stay curious as to with the truth really is. Part of the truth and reality of what is expected of us, is that merely saying "I love Him" doesn't really mean much. We must ask ourselves, "do I obey Him?"

As we live day to day, month to month, year to year, we recognize how pervasive our problems can be. Thoughts and feelings that are out of alignment with His will and it is up to us to partner with Him and be real with Him about how to get free from the issues He intends us to be free from. Long standing strong holds of mental, emotional, or intellectual downfalls. Generational curses. Cycles of sin and miserable dysfunction repeating over and over and over and over again. Real and serious consequences to disobedience. And as believers, a lot of us know that we simply cannot get away with the same things non-believers do(Hebrews 12:6).

As believers, we come to a point where we can get so sick and tired of being sick and tired, that we are willing to 'lose' in order to surrender our will to His which finally allows Him to do that work He wants to do in us. It takes a lot of humility to willfully say no to doing some of the things we like and love to do that we know are compromising our relationship with Him and our very salvation. It feels like losing. Obedience to Christ can feel like losing, but we are to act as living sacrifices (Romans 12). We want to come to a place of understanding where we are so desperate and sad and broken up about either how our sin makes Him feel or the consequences of our sin, that we choose to step into the pain, discomfort, sadness, frustration, and misery of not resorting to our usual vices as we seek to numb ourselves from terrible thoughts and feelings.

So instead of relying on alcohol to make you feel good when you feel awful due to that incessant negative self talk about something you continue to struggle with and face real consequences over, choose to wait on the Lord (Isa 40:31) and essentially lean into that feeling that you 'lost.' It takes so much strength to just lay down at night and silently cry yourself to sleep in a dark silent room alone instead of calling that person you know you should leave alone, or drinking yourself "happy," or looking at something on the internet you know you shouldn't set your eyes upon. Next time you feel that usual terrible feeling like you know you want to do something you shouldn't do so that you can feel better no matter how tired you are of feeling bad...do nothing...sit there...lay there...lose. Just lose.

Allow yourself to lose. By allowing yourself to lose, you are simultaneously allowing The Prince of Peace to step in and save the day. Usually, you might let 'the drink' save the day. Or that ex. Or that sneaky link. Or that video. Or that plant. Or that gallon of dairy. But next time, try surrendering and losing. It's ok to lose in this way because it allows the One who makes the sun set to be your solution and when we ALLOW Him, He will walk us down the path of true healing. So surrender. Calm down and allow Him to do the surgery on your heart. Resist the devil, not Him. Lose. It's ok to lose.

Be sad and lose. Be angry and lose. Allow that feeling of surrendering to not really being able to to change how you feel or getting the result you want the way you want it and when you want it. Don't resort to your vices that continue the vicious cycle over and over and over again. Give the pain to Him by doing nothing, feeling that awful and terrible pain of losing the the ability to resort to your own means and methods to produce the effect you want, and allow Him to do what He wants to do with you and your pain. When we surrender our will, we are obeying Him and yes, sacrificing out ability to do what we want can be so, so painful. Obedience can feel like losing sometimes. A lot of the time, actually. But the more we allow this, the more we are developing a true relationship with Him as the solution to our problems and the closer we are to someday making it to our real home someday. Part of what we need to do in order to go home someday is worship Him in spirit and truth. Not just sing the song in church then go home and compromise throughout the week because it feels good. But our worship is so real when we willfully experience pain or discomfort because we want to obey Him. We are truly allowing Him to be the Lord of our life when we do this(Luke 6:46). If we want to go home someday, we must worship in spirit and truth and allow Him to be truly be our Lord. Quite honestly, no matter how it makes us feel.